"The trippy thing about being in a relationship with someone who loves not you but the idea of you is that they tend to pull out all the stops for you, treating you in ways that feel intimate, private, and special," Trescott says. But always remember, details matter. For instance, if you've mentioned that you hate seafood but your partner surprises you with reservations to the newest seafood restaurant in town, that's a red flag to watch out for. Small details may not matter much, but if your partner really doesn't take the time to learn your likes, dislikes, and who you really are, they may just love the idea of a relationship.
If you're with someone who might love the idea of you, it may be a good idea to take a step back and ask yourself if you're really in love with them. "I think people end up falling in love with the idea of someone because they are not being real and honest with themselves about what they want in a relationship," Bruett says. "It can be more productive to focus on how you feel when you’re with the person, the way they treat you and what your shared goals and values are."
If everything else seems to line up for you, then maybe having an open conversation with your partner can help them to get to know the real you. But if you realize you're only in love with the idea of them as well, it may be time to figure out if that's what you really want.
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